Have you had the jitters when you're off for your first date? With this really cute girl you met a couple of weeks ago? And that the both of you haven't been speaking to one another much? Just an abundance of SMSes here and there... damn technology, making the process of dating a little less sincere. Or is it just me?
The first time I viewed her face under the bright lights of the environment,it turned out to be different from the images that linger in my mind. These 2 images can't be compared, as they both portray different sides of her.
In my mind, it was as such...
She's a childcare teacher, having to take care of kids in the day, sometimes giving tuition in the evening. After which, she carries on with her night by hanging around with her friends and playing pool. On the contrary, in her free time she reads books from the likes of Harry Potter and her favourite movie is Moulin Rouge. Listens to everything [or so she claims], has a knack for proclaiming herself The Queen. [Somewhat familiar...]
After our first date, the thoughts in mind started to distort...
No doubt the facts stated above are all still true, its something about her character. In short, confidently adorable, spitefully dory and possesses a vocal projection that somewhat reminds me of a blitzkrieg, rapid and deadly. I was stunned. Stunned as like getting caught by my folks with my left hand in my pants and the right on that cute little mouse of my beloved computer.
And the strange portion of the date was, I was 'jammed' not only once or twice, but a couple of times...GDI!!! But after speaking to my 'sister-in-law'[Grace Chiang, you rock man~] about it,i kind of had my mind freed from certain knots caused by a bout of nervousness, and the fact that I had just stepped out of a terrible relationship.
Yes, I have had feedback that how could a person of my character could end up in such a fix? They know I am the sort that would lock the door before laying my hands on that mouse...
ARGH!!!!!!! Be myself! I have to, just stick to being the old me...full of nonsense, full of passing motions, and full of the incorrect confidence!
Saturday, August 27, 2005
Monday, August 22, 2005
~The Question Of Choice And Consequence~
What would you do when someone strikes you with a knife and you only have your palm to defend yourself? Wounds and blood are inevitable, hence it narrows down to another question.
The question of choice...
Would it be the inner palm where the lines of your fate are engraved? Or would be the outer hand, where you risk hurting the veins and bones visible to the naked eye? Either or, both sides will definitely hurt. But which will hurt more? Which side do you favour protection to the other? Ands what are the consequences if either of the sides get hurt? But most importantly, can you handle the consequences?
No doubt it was a moment of folly/thrill/laziness when I took the dark, narrow path in order to reach home earlier. The difference of taking the safe detour to walking the dim-litted path was about 10 minutes odd. It would be fine if I were to reach home safely. That would earn me an extra 10 minutes to wash up or to catch on with my sleep. But if I were to have met up with a robber, the consequences will be drastic as compared to the former.
Result 01 - I choose the deserted path, get through it safely, get 10 minutes worth of extra time. Now it drives down to another Y-junction. Would I want to keep it mum? And occasionally take the passageway again? Or would I want to boast my feat to all my friends? And let them know how brave I was to have taken the path alone? Perhaps, after telling all my friends, someone might have overheard it and he choose to stay in stealth along the pathway one fine evening I decide to take the pathway again. Do revert to the first paragraph to see one of the possible results.
Result 02 - I analyse the end-results of taking the passageway. The first paragraph would be an ideal one. Now, I weigh the gains of the two ways. 10 minutes of extra time against a slightly lengthy but safe walk home. Now I weigh the cons of the same two pathways. Dark and narrow path, having a higher risk of being robbed or even injured along the journey. Or a brightly litted pathway, having to walk a little longer and perspire a little more. And having that 10 minutes less. Guess I would still choose the safe route.
Now, lets talk about result 01 crossing over to result 02. I could choose to keep mum about it, and pray that no one will ever find out. All will be fine, until I realise that someone saw me taking that path. The secret is now being revealed. And I will risk being caught in the act.
I could take the path once without being caught, then after having thought about it, will never stray back wayward. I would have then crossed over to result 02. It is good, but deep down inside, it remains a fact that I have taken the path before.
Blood stains can be washed off by mere ale, but stains that are in the mind will always be there, no matter how much you try to clean it off. Perhaps after a while, you would take little notice of it already, but the fact is, it is there for keeps.
I have a friend whom I have known in the army for about 2 years now. Last week, he went clubbing with some of my colleagues and got to befriend a girl. Under the influence of alcohol, with the supporting orchestra of music and ambience, they danced, hugged and even kissed. Then came the time where the night would end.
Now came the moment of Choice.
Would he go home on his own, having enjoyed his time at the club and left it that way? Or would he attempt to bring her back to his place and take the plunge? Guess what? He chose the latter. What's worse that they did it not once, not twice, not even three times! He was f#%king her over and over and over again, throughout the whole week! All this would seem fine if he was single...
The first time I went out with him was the first time I met his girlfriend, and ever since, we would always hang out together. It came to a point that I was as close to her as compared to me being close to my friend. I liked their presence, as a couple and as an individual. They have been together for about 6 years now, and I have always hailed them as the model couple.
Along came the moment of Choice. And Consequence.
Refer back to the first paragraph where I have mentioned about having flesh on both sides of the hand.
01 - I keep it mum, and hopes it will be his last scandal. And bury all truth of it from the faces of the Earth.
02 - I tell her, and save her from more hurt, and result in their breakup. Given her character, I will not rule out the possibility of her commiting suicide.I do not want her to end up having the same faith as Therasia, even though she's fictional. The position I am in may seem a common fix, but when you are wedged in between, it is confusing. What should I do...
The question of choice...
Would it be the inner palm where the lines of your fate are engraved? Or would be the outer hand, where you risk hurting the veins and bones visible to the naked eye? Either or, both sides will definitely hurt. But which will hurt more? Which side do you favour protection to the other? Ands what are the consequences if either of the sides get hurt? But most importantly, can you handle the consequences?
No doubt it was a moment of folly/thrill/laziness when I took the dark, narrow path in order to reach home earlier. The difference of taking the safe detour to walking the dim-litted path was about 10 minutes odd. It would be fine if I were to reach home safely. That would earn me an extra 10 minutes to wash up or to catch on with my sleep. But if I were to have met up with a robber, the consequences will be drastic as compared to the former.
Result 01 - I choose the deserted path, get through it safely, get 10 minutes worth of extra time. Now it drives down to another Y-junction. Would I want to keep it mum? And occasionally take the passageway again? Or would I want to boast my feat to all my friends? And let them know how brave I was to have taken the path alone? Perhaps, after telling all my friends, someone might have overheard it and he choose to stay in stealth along the pathway one fine evening I decide to take the pathway again. Do revert to the first paragraph to see one of the possible results.
Result 02 - I analyse the end-results of taking the passageway. The first paragraph would be an ideal one. Now, I weigh the gains of the two ways. 10 minutes of extra time against a slightly lengthy but safe walk home. Now I weigh the cons of the same two pathways. Dark and narrow path, having a higher risk of being robbed or even injured along the journey. Or a brightly litted pathway, having to walk a little longer and perspire a little more. And having that 10 minutes less. Guess I would still choose the safe route.
Now, lets talk about result 01 crossing over to result 02. I could choose to keep mum about it, and pray that no one will ever find out. All will be fine, until I realise that someone saw me taking that path. The secret is now being revealed. And I will risk being caught in the act.
I could take the path once without being caught, then after having thought about it, will never stray back wayward. I would have then crossed over to result 02. It is good, but deep down inside, it remains a fact that I have taken the path before.
Blood stains can be washed off by mere ale, but stains that are in the mind will always be there, no matter how much you try to clean it off. Perhaps after a while, you would take little notice of it already, but the fact is, it is there for keeps.
I have a friend whom I have known in the army for about 2 years now. Last week, he went clubbing with some of my colleagues and got to befriend a girl. Under the influence of alcohol, with the supporting orchestra of music and ambience, they danced, hugged and even kissed. Then came the time where the night would end.
Now came the moment of Choice.
Would he go home on his own, having enjoyed his time at the club and left it that way? Or would he attempt to bring her back to his place and take the plunge? Guess what? He chose the latter. What's worse that they did it not once, not twice, not even three times! He was f#%king her over and over and over again, throughout the whole week! All this would seem fine if he was single...
The first time I went out with him was the first time I met his girlfriend, and ever since, we would always hang out together. It came to a point that I was as close to her as compared to me being close to my friend. I liked their presence, as a couple and as an individual. They have been together for about 6 years now, and I have always hailed them as the model couple.
Along came the moment of Choice. And Consequence.
Refer back to the first paragraph where I have mentioned about having flesh on both sides of the hand.
01 - I keep it mum, and hopes it will be his last scandal. And bury all truth of it from the faces of the Earth.
02 - I tell her, and save her from more hurt, and result in their breakup. Given her character, I will not rule out the possibility of her commiting suicide.I do not want her to end up having the same faith as Therasia, even though she's fictional. The position I am in may seem a common fix, but when you are wedged in between, it is confusing. What should I do...
Monday, August 15, 2005
~Therasia ~
Mesmerising beauty she once had
Amongst the rich she rightfully dwells
Now her scarred look draws cries of despair
Muffled cries of helplessness
She burrows into her lair
She bore emerald-like eyes
Against the pales of perfect skin
Lips that seemly whisper sweet nothings
A gaze that drowns men in the depths of sin
Innocuous Therasia…
Once religious Pantheist, now her faith withers by the day
That faithful night
The stale air of evil lingers
She walks amongst royalty
To the comforts of luxury
A voracious beast assaults alone
Leaving none but her alive
Violates, batters, then set her to
Lay on a bed of knives
With an impetuous touch
Of his wielding weapon
Across her body and soul
He ends her reign…
Innocuous Therasia…
Once religious Pantheist, now her faith withers by the hour
Eternal cuts she bore
So deep and well refined
Dripping blood which
Flowing patterns hint signs
Of once, fraudulent acts of cruelty
Bestow upon her flesh
Her wounds in swathe
To substratum stains of blood
Mesmerising beauty she once had
In her boudoir she held secrets of none alive tells
Now her imperfect look draws stares of disgust
Silenced shouts of sufferings, within her residing cell
Of living hell…
Moonlit night…
The will to live withers away
Fairy-tale turned nightmare
The focus of her life path strays
She sat around the fireplace and stare
Into space her mind contemplates
About the cruel fact to live
Disfigured permanency
She chose the path that led off the cliff…
Josh.
Amongst the rich she rightfully dwells
Now her scarred look draws cries of despair
Muffled cries of helplessness
She burrows into her lair
She bore emerald-like eyes
Against the pales of perfect skin
Lips that seemly whisper sweet nothings
A gaze that drowns men in the depths of sin
Innocuous Therasia…
Once religious Pantheist, now her faith withers by the day
That faithful night
The stale air of evil lingers
She walks amongst royalty
To the comforts of luxury
A voracious beast assaults alone
Leaving none but her alive
Violates, batters, then set her to
Lay on a bed of knives
With an impetuous touch
Of his wielding weapon
Across her body and soul
He ends her reign…
Innocuous Therasia…
Once religious Pantheist, now her faith withers by the hour
Eternal cuts she bore
So deep and well refined
Dripping blood which
Flowing patterns hint signs
Of once, fraudulent acts of cruelty
Bestow upon her flesh
Her wounds in swathe
To substratum stains of blood
Mesmerising beauty she once had
In her boudoir she held secrets of none alive tells
Now her imperfect look draws stares of disgust
Silenced shouts of sufferings, within her residing cell
Of living hell…
Moonlit night…
The will to live withers away
Fairy-tale turned nightmare
The focus of her life path strays
She sat around the fireplace and stare
Into space her mind contemplates
About the cruel fact to live
Disfigured permanency
She chose the path that led off the cliff…
Josh.
Sunday, August 14, 2005
~Introductory Encounters~
When faced with a situation whereby you're interested to befriend this lady, how would you go around it? Would it be like in the movies, where the conversation goes like:
'Hey, can I get you a drink? You're really cute and I really want work something out.'
Or would it be the 'authentic' Singaporean flavoured:
'Chio eh, ho seh bo? Ai gia steady my?'
And how would you reply to this lady if she questions in return :
'Why do you want to know me?'
'Er...er...'
A thousand excuses start churning out from that slow-processing mind of mine, 'Reasons' like:
1. Wanting to widen my circle of friends
2. Had a feeling of being able to click even though there wasn't even a conversation before
3. Feel that she is one of the very few that I can relate to
Everything starts cramping up the head, everything but the truth. So when I tell her I just want to widen my circles, she starts bombarding me with questions like:
1. Why me? Am I the only lady around?
2. Don't you find that too lame a reason?
Now I am Stumped. Okay now, should I tell her the truth? That I really find her cute, witty and loves the way she carries herself? I can't be blamed for being a Capricorn and Aquarius stuck in between, having the tendency of falling in love at first sight, right? Truth is, I am but a timid Asian boy...
Recently, I was invited to a birthday bash. It was the 21st birthday of my colleague's and I had no excuse not to go. It was the standard norm of parties, sitting around, enjoying the company of friends, music, booze and the laid-back ambience of a fine Saturday night.
And just like the movies, she makes a grand entrance, looking out of place, just like a lady don up in her evening gown, paired up with styled hair and exquisite assessories making an appearance at the local coffee shop down a HDB block. She was like the Queen of the masses. I was blown away...
Darn she's so fine~looking~!@ As I caught sight of her walking in, the image starts to slow down. From the turning of heads, to me looking at her being escorted into the party by her friends. With smiles and laughter surrounding the group, she was ushered up the stairs, with my head moving in sync with her every ascend of the steps. I was so engrossed I swore I almost fell off the chair.
After which, the queen came down in peasant-clothing and joined the party of booze and conversations. It's a little draggy here, so I'll keep it real short.
We played games. In a group. Big Fish, Small Fish. Got her drunk. She vomitted. Assisted her in doing so. Felt bad. Off she went to bed. Came down again. To vomit. Assisted her. Again. Off she went to bed. Never came down. Lay on the mattress. Staring at the window. The window of the top room.Wondering how is she doing. Told myself it was an infatuation. Tried to sleep it off. Woke up. Cleared up the mess. Woke the guys up. Went up the room. Wanted to wake the guys up. Caught sight of her. Sleeping soundly.Like a child. Smiles and gazes upon.Fell into the depths of love.Snaps out of it. Wakes them up. Twice. Went down. And off. To home. To sleep....
When I woke up, I realised that she has not once left my mind. Amazing, considering I have only met her once. Self-hurled verbal abuses towards the walls of my room began when I realised I had not been able to obtain her contact. A stint of melancholia got to me, having various hits and misses of my entire 22 yrs on Earth revolving in my already twirling mind.
That stint lasted me about 15 minutes, before the image of her sleeping soundly like a harmless kid materialised in my head...a silly grin then hung occasionally throughout the evening...
'Hey, can I get you a drink? You're really cute and I really want work something out.'
Or would it be the 'authentic' Singaporean flavoured:
'Chio eh, ho seh bo? Ai gia steady my?'
And how would you reply to this lady if she questions in return :
'Why do you want to know me?'
'Er...er...'
A thousand excuses start churning out from that slow-processing mind of mine, 'Reasons' like:
1. Wanting to widen my circle of friends
2. Had a feeling of being able to click even though there wasn't even a conversation before
3. Feel that she is one of the very few that I can relate to
Everything starts cramping up the head, everything but the truth. So when I tell her I just want to widen my circles, she starts bombarding me with questions like:
1. Why me? Am I the only lady around?
2. Don't you find that too lame a reason?
Now I am Stumped. Okay now, should I tell her the truth? That I really find her cute, witty and loves the way she carries herself? I can't be blamed for being a Capricorn and Aquarius stuck in between, having the tendency of falling in love at first sight, right? Truth is, I am but a timid Asian boy...
Recently, I was invited to a birthday bash. It was the 21st birthday of my colleague's and I had no excuse not to go. It was the standard norm of parties, sitting around, enjoying the company of friends, music, booze and the laid-back ambience of a fine Saturday night.
And just like the movies, she makes a grand entrance, looking out of place, just like a lady don up in her evening gown, paired up with styled hair and exquisite assessories making an appearance at the local coffee shop down a HDB block. She was like the Queen of the masses. I was blown away...
Darn she's so fine~looking~!@ As I caught sight of her walking in, the image starts to slow down. From the turning of heads, to me looking at her being escorted into the party by her friends. With smiles and laughter surrounding the group, she was ushered up the stairs, with my head moving in sync with her every ascend of the steps. I was so engrossed I swore I almost fell off the chair.
After which, the queen came down in peasant-clothing and joined the party of booze and conversations. It's a little draggy here, so I'll keep it real short.
We played games. In a group. Big Fish, Small Fish. Got her drunk. She vomitted. Assisted her in doing so. Felt bad. Off she went to bed. Came down again. To vomit. Assisted her. Again. Off she went to bed. Never came down. Lay on the mattress. Staring at the window. The window of the top room.Wondering how is she doing. Told myself it was an infatuation. Tried to sleep it off. Woke up. Cleared up the mess. Woke the guys up. Went up the room. Wanted to wake the guys up. Caught sight of her. Sleeping soundly.Like a child. Smiles and gazes upon.Fell into the depths of love.Snaps out of it. Wakes them up. Twice. Went down. And off. To home. To sleep....
When I woke up, I realised that she has not once left my mind. Amazing, considering I have only met her once. Self-hurled verbal abuses towards the walls of my room began when I realised I had not been able to obtain her contact. A stint of melancholia got to me, having various hits and misses of my entire 22 yrs on Earth revolving in my already twirling mind.
That stint lasted me about 15 minutes, before the image of her sleeping soundly like a harmless kid materialised in my head...a silly grin then hung occasionally throughout the evening...
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